Holiday Memories

We've all got memories of various holidays. Some are good, some are bad, some make you wish you could live in that day forever, others make you glad to go to bed and wake up to a new day. I'm always awash in memories this time of year and, for the most part, I'm grateful for that. Even the worst memories are usually a chance to think about something or someone that made me a better or more complete person, and it's an opportunity to be thankful for that. I'm bad about this "blogging" stuff when it comes to actual "This is what I've been up to" posts, but I want to try harder this year to share some of my memories and reflect on why they have stayed with me so long.

First up, I give you December, 2001: I think this was the first of what has come to be called "Family Christmas", where the Rieks and a few lucky friends get together for dinner, dessert, and a little gift exchange. In 2001, we'd all been through a really hard year. Just before Rene's birthday, we'd lost Matt and Brad's dad, Ron, to cancer.

While we'd lost Ron, I'll never forget the feeling that we'd gained something else. Together, we were an extended family, supporting one another as only a family could. That year, I gained a sister and 2 older brothers that I wouldn't trade for the world, and we all met Erin for the first time, too. We even had our "wacky sidekick" BT, who was at the same time our comic relief and biggest pain in the butt.

That night, we went to dinner at the shiny new Saltgrass Steakhouse, drinking some wine and eating delicious food - then Matt and Rene surprised us all by treating us to dinner! We even took time to pose for a wacky photo:



After that, we went back to Brad's house and had hot cocoa (with Bailey's, as I recall) and opened presents. Everyone had chipped in to get me a set of Nightmare Before Christmas watches I'd always wanted, and treasure to this day. Erin got a goofy popcorn popper, and (I think) this was the year I'd been dumb enough to try to make my own wrapping paper. Oof!

I went home that night thinking "I'll NEVER forget tonight!", and I was right. This night will stick with me forever as all I'd ever hoped a Christmas would be. Friends, family, food, fun, and a room full of love. Is the memory of that night tainted by the sadness that bookends it? A little. I'm grateful that we didn't know how hard our lives would get less than a year later, because our ignorance left us able to enjoy this night to its fullest. Here's a pic of "the guys", in all our glory...

Too long between posts!

I'm AWFUL at this!

Remembering to post, or having something interesting TO post, is not that easy. Oh well. I've been swimming in paperwork for the last couple of weeks, selecting a new credit card processor for work. After I've worked with them a bit, I'll decide if they're getting recommendations from me or not. So far, they've been cool.

As everyone knows, Pope John Paul II passed away a little over a week ago. I've followed all the news since, and done a lot of thinking about him and the kind of man he was. I obviously don't agree with his theology in every case, and wish that the Catholic Church as a whole would move on some of its basic tenets. I think that gays should be more respected in ALL the Christian churches, though, not just the orthodoxy. They're people, too, and are entitled to make the same mistakes and receive the same forgiveness as anyone else. I also think that women in ministry is a wonderful thing, and would be a HUGE help to the church. But I don't get to vote in the Conclave, so we'll just have to see what happens.

All that said, NO ONE can argue that the Holy Father was anything but a stand-up guy, who fought for what he believed in, followed the rules he set out for everyone else, and who emanated a love that isn't seen all that often. I often joked that I'd like to be Pope one day, but I know that I'm not that kind of person. I can't surrender myself so completely to the will of G-d, even though I know that I should. I DO try, you know, it's just hard. Too hard. I'm just going to have to settle for being me.

Thursday was my 15th anniversary at work, that was a big let-down. It would surprise no one that's worked at the same place I do to find that no one remembered, much less said anything. Oh well, what's half your life, anyways? I have had some job offers and seriously considered moving away, but that's not in the cards for me right now. My friends are almost all here, my niece and nephews are here, and my best memories are here. I can't go anyplace that I don't look and say "Brad and I ate lunch there on a Wednesday" or "Ben and I got REALLY drunk, and sat under that tree". I can't give those things up right now, I need them too badly.

One day, moving on will be the right decision. That day's just not today. I think I'm gonna look for a house, and settle in with my 2 cats. I'm not always happy, but I am always "home".

-CP

Pissy

I went to dinner with my friends Mel and Neil (Neil's the big guy in Velvet Love Box) the other night. That was nice and relaxing. However, we ran into another of our friends who bore the good news that Skip wants to be a professional poker player. You know what? That sucks some serious ass.

At one time, I deleted all my entries about Skip, because I thought they were mean-spirited. They still might be, but I don't care anymore. Skip was sick the same time that Brad was, with a different kind of cancer. He'd go out at night and drink / smoke / party like it was 1999. He would even skip his chemotherapy appointments because they didn't work with his job as a bartender. I know that folks still have to keep jobs and make money, but c'mon! Brad, on the other hand, did everything the doctor told him - lots of rest, healthy food, etc. Guess who's walking around, happy as a clam, and who's not? I say again - sucks ass.

I know it's not Skip's fault, but I can't help but be pretty darned bitter about it. I'd feel better if he had taken his second chance and really wanted to DO something with it. I know that Brad would have looked for ways to help other people, heck he did that while he was still sick. Instead, Skip's gonna play him some poker.

Sucks.

Ass.

-CP

Haiku for Day 520...

I'm in my office,
Like a seed planted in concrete,
Unable to bloom.

See? Cheery!

I hate sitting inside when it's nice outside, and it's REALLY nice out today. I may leave work early and talk to some folks outside, I need to leave new flowers anyways.

So what are YOU doing today? Whatever it is, do it well and do it with flair. Me? I'm workin' on it. I am designing some ads right now, which is REALLY boring.

-CP

Eventually, I won't be such a loser...

Well, crud. Every time I start this thing, I think "Maybe THIS will help!" and it usually doesn't. It's not the blog's fault, it's all me. I need to be more consistent with my blogging, so here's yet another fresh start...

519 days. That's a long time. It's not long enough to heal wounds that are really deep, though, and that's something I'm realizing more every day. I keep waking up thinkin, "Today's the day that everything will be all right!" and before lunch I realize that I'm wrong. One of these days, I'd just like to be right. I'm not sure when that will be, but I'd like to wake up one day and not be sad and frustrated and maybe a little angry. I want to wake up and not resent my upcoming birthday. I want to wake up and find that special someone.

Right now? I just wake up.

Day before yesterday, I wrote a letter to an old friend. It was a good letter, I think, but I haven't been able to mail it. It's addressed and stamped, though, so maybe tomorrow. Or maybe the day after that. I dunno.

-CP