Highs and Lows

Not too long ago, a friend asked me to help with a favor. He asked me to help him pick out the engagement ring for his intended, and I couldn't have felt more honored or "special". He got the ring, and then gave it to his intended this weekend in a very romantic proposal.

To some, maybe none of this is that big a deal. For me, it partially fixed a hole in my life. A few years ago, my best friend proposed to his intended. For whatever reason, he never mentioned it to me before the day it was to happen. It was compounded when I found out he'd told several of our other friends, but still not me. From that day on, I've carried a little bit of that hurt around. Were we not as close as I thought we were? Had I done something wrong? Maybe I'd said something wrong at some point, and I didn't realize it? Granted, there had been conflict around his girlfriend, but nothing I thought would cause such a rift as this. The worst was that he wanted to propose to her sitting in his hospital bed, dying. Not only that, but he wanted us all to be there. All the hurt, sadness, and confusion just punched a hole like you wouldn't believe.

So now, a little bit of that is fixed. I AM someone that somebody would trust with this kind of decision, I AM someone that can share an important part of my friend's life, I AM someone who can share in that couple's immeasurable joy.

After that incredible "high", I wasn't expecting the "low" that followed. Not just followed a day or two later, or a couple of months in the future, but in the same phone call. The sentence after "She said yes, we're both so happy!" was "but I do have something else to tell you..."

It's been 12 hours, so now I can be happy that everyone's healthy and safe. That said, the next sentence hit me hard at the time. Two of my closest friends are moving away. These are people that I've been counting down the months to a proposal, the wedding in my imagination, the beautiful children I hoped to watch grow up. Of course I can still see them, they'll only live a day away. That said, though, there's a big difference between seeing someone a couple times a week and seeing them a couple times a year.

Life's all about the peaks and the valleys, and this feels like a heck of a valley. The kind of person you are is measured by the way you HANDLE the peaks and the valleys, though, and I always endure. This will be no different, but I had just gotten used to the idea that I didn't have to be sad all the time, you know?

-CP